martes, 22 de marzo de 2011

¡Puños fuera! (II)

Los malos eran tema aparte. El Doctor Infierno, o Hell, gracias a la falta de coordinación entre los doblajes hispanoamericano y español, era el clásico científico loco sediento de poder, genio de la robótica y malo por antonomasia. De dónde sacó la cara morada o por qué llevaba un mono verde de neopreno son preguntas que escapan a nuestro raciocinio, pero si hay alguien que inspiraba temor en la serie, era él.
El barón Ashura, cuyo nombre fue mancillado aquí por el desacertado barón Ashler, era un ser bastante más cómico de lo que aparentaba. Bufón de la corte, batallador sobre el terreno, primera línea de Infierno, odiaba tanto a Koyi como adoraba a su amo. Aunque no se dice en la serie, en el comic se explica que el Doctor Infierno lo creó montando las dos partes sanas de dos momias, antiguos sacerdotes mikene, mujer y hombre, resultando así una suerte de monstruo de Frankenstein bisexual en el sentido más físico de la palabra, y vestido con una sotana monjil ridícula y bicolor y un collar de perro absolutamente impagable. El barón Ashura es el malo por excelencia de Mazinger Z, el más coñazo, el más cansino, humano, ridículo, penoso y tragicómico de todos. La verdad es que este hombre era un saco de escojones. Para empezar sus momias originales se llamaban Tristán e Isolda –tócate los huevos– así como para darle una buena patada a la leyenda artúrica de un plumazo. Luego está el asunto más mundano. ¿Este hombre cómo iba al servicio? ¿Cuándo meaba se le salía todo por el conducto abierto? ¿Le gustaba la carne o el pescado? ¿Cuál era su perfil bueno? Además era un absoluto metepatas, capaz de arruinar un plan perfecto o inclinar accidentalmente la balanza del lado de los buenos por error. El Doctor Infierno le abroncaba, el conde Brocken lo humillaba, hasta Gorgon se reía de él. Pobre hombre. O mujer.
El rival natural por el afecto freudiano del padre era el Conde Brocken. Su aspecto resultaba bastante amenazante: colmillos vampíricos agresivizaban unas greñas ondeantes al viento inexistente, como si le hubieran puesto ventiladores en un anuncio de champús, mientras el monóculo le daba el toque dandesco. Tenía una mala ostia que no veas y disfrutaba como nadie haciéndole bullying al homoterosexual de Ashura. Más arrogante, subido y prepotente que el barón, caía sin embargo en las mismas zoqueteces.
El vizconde Pigman –también traducido certeramente aquí como Cerdo– era un guerrero afromaorí con un pigmeo en lugar de la cabeza. Más surrealista no podía ser el bicho, sobre todo cuando lo remataron con un sonido gutural incomprensible a medio camino entre el salvajismo y la comicidad más absurda. Pues resulta que el pavo estaba podrido de recursos, disparaba rayos, desaparecía y se empecinaba en atacar en persona. Era un pesado de los de época.
El Duque Gorgón vino para sustituir a Ashura y para escalar un punto el nivel de perversidad y peligrosidad de los malos. Rivalizaba con Infierno pero tenía más mala uva, hasta el punto que caía pero que muy mal. Tampoco es que su aspecto grotesco ayudara mucho. ¿Qué se puede esperar de un centurión romano de color verde botella que parece Barbanegra con los filtros de luz cambiados, y que a cuenta de piernas tiene un tigre gigantesco atascado desde el lomo, así como si fuera un centauro invertido y enfelinado? ¿Cómo cojones lo haría para dormir? Sea como fuere, el Duque no resultaba gracioso. Era demasiado cabrón. Además fue el único que resistió al final de la isla de Bardos y del Doctor Infierno.
Las frases memorables son unas cuantas, pero lo más destacado del audio siempre fueron los gritos de guerra de cada arma: “¡Fuego de pecho, rayos fotónicos, puños fuera, acoplamiento, Mazinger, jet scrander, misil fuera, cuchillas de la cruz del sur, rayos congelantes, huracán fuera!”. Y en cuanto a las imágenes, los episodios del Mazinger Z original están llenos de momentos. ¿Cómo olvidar aquel circense salto en el aire de Koyi y Sayaka permutando robots o ese primer duelo contra Doublas M2 y Garada K7 con estética de spaghetti western? ¿Y la surrealista historia de amor heavy metal entre Mazinger y Minerva X, que pese a tener nombre de actriz porno barata era en realidad la pareja natural del robot bueno? Otras licencias del guionista fueron el doctor Heinrich, una fusión de Víctor Frankenstein y su remendada criatura o ponerle macro misiles a Afrodita A que pasaba, en el episodio 32, de tener una talla 85A a una 120 generosa y turgente. El culmen del frikismo erótico llegó en un episodio de Mazinkaiser, allá por el nuevo siglo, cuando la censura internacional liberó los pechos de Sayaka Yumi y los exhibió ante los espectadores, ya talluditos, del mundo entero. Personalmente me pareció algo gratuito, y además se llevó algunos de los mitos de mi niñez y los tiró por la taza del water. Menos mal que la serie dejó en el subconsciente colectivo estampas mucho más épicas, y símbolos indelebles como el planeador silbando al viento, las antenas angulosas del instituto de investigaciones o esa piscina inabordable que se vaciaba de agua con la misma rapidez que llenaba nuestros inocentes corazones de emociones y mazingerismo inocente y extremo.

58 comentarios:

  1. Me gustaría saber donde para mi album de cromos de Mazinger Z, tendré que revolver la casa de mi madre de arriba a abajo. Muy buena entrada, qué recuerdos!!!

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  2. Joder que recuerdos Dry, me has hecho mayor. Recuerdo que tenia un trozo de palo de escoba con un guante negro en la punta, me lo metía por el reloj y al grito de..!puños fuera!! impulsaba el brazo con fuerza saliendo aquel palo a toda hostia hasta dar con el primer jarrón que encontraba...ay!.. que recuerdos Dry,..me has hecho mayor, pero feliz. Gracias, las dos entradas son buenísimas.
    Abrazos

    ...a ver si encuentro aquel palo.....mmmm!!

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  3. Dios mío qué recuerdos, ¡Mazinger Z nada menos! Como pasan los años...

    Un abrazo

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  4. Qué mítica!!! Me has hecho recordar muchas cosa, y echarme unas risas de las buenas!!! Aisss...que me hago mayor XD!!! Que nostálgia :)
    Un fuerte abrazo!!!
    Favole

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  5. Dry, nunca vi Mazinger Z, ¿Te lo puedes creer?
    Nací posteriormente... Así que, ni qué decir tiene que no sabía detalles tan recónditos como el del cambio de nombre de Achura/Ashler!!

    Buena entrada, bien documentada ;)

    Manu UC.

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  6. Jorl, no me acuerdo ni de la mitad ;P

    dirty saludos¡¡¡¡¡¡

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  7. Que bueno Drywater! QUE BUENOOOOOOO!!!! XD!!

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